Welcome to the world of life after EX. Perhaps for now that is EX without the S. "Breakup" is a 7 letter word that neutralizes sensuality, undermines confidence, erases passion. But not for ever. Spice up your EX life starting now, breathe, relax, feel your senses. Get your passionate side humming again without focusing on sex itself. Great food, beautiful textiles, sensuous nature, books, movies, theatre, and people. People inject sensory experience into your life that is far more enduring than a sexual moment. Intimacy is a state of mind. Being a 'sexy' ex is about shimmer, sparkle and all things shiny - and that starts with your mind - that is where every thought, every sensory experience begins - so widen the definition of sex and you never know what that glow will attract.
December 31, 2009
March 30, 2008
Sinful Cities
Ok this article will soon be all over the internet so please allow me be the first to provide you with an edited version.
Someone in their wisdom decided it would be fun to find out which 10 cities in America are the most lustful - measured (ie enjoy the most sex) by analyzing the purchases of condoms. Seems a reasonable idea.
So AC Nielsen (some researches just have all the fun) measured the per capita index of over the counter contraceptive purchases. So the average is 100. Are you with me so far? One city topped the list with an index of 289. Other cities that ranked in the top 10 were Seattle, Washington, D.C. and Salt Lake City. Metropolitan areas one might expect to see ranked very high like New York, Los Angeles and Las Vegas, had average or below average indexes.
So drum roll......Denver is proudly the condom capital of the United States.
Just in case you happen to have forgotten those seven deadly sins...they are pride, envy, lust, sloth, greed, gluttony and anger. Forbes is right on this with their own version of America's Sinful Cities and adds that in addition to Denver being the most lustful, the greediest city is the home of Google and Apple - San Jose/Silicon Valley. Detroit is the most violent angry city. Salt Lake City has the most pride. Now you might expect that Las Vegas, Los Angeles or New York might rate at least one of the seven deadly sins, but ONE city wins three... envy, gluttony and sloth - all go to Memphis!!! Now that is a shock.
Not surprisingly, Denver also has experienced a spike in the number of local syphilis cases and that unfortunately is not limited to Denver. According to the CDC, chlamydia cases rose from 50.8 to 347.8 cases per 100,000 population between 1987 and 2006. All the gorey details can be found here.
Why am I mentioning this in a blog focused on women's sexuality. Well it's because women who are divorced and out the the game for a while, are very uneducated about some of the dangers that were not even issues when they first became sexually aware. Time have changed and the dangers of AIDS and STD's are a real concern for women. A great place believe it or not is Planned Parenthood- their section on STD's is incredibly concise and informative
Rediscovering your sexy self after a divorce is a complex and emotional experience. It's scary, it's overwhelming, it's natural. There is no age limit on your desire for intimacy and sensuality. But hopefully these figures show you that sexuality is not hidden away anymore. It's right out there in front of you so if you are re-emerging from a divorce, keep your eyes and heart open but be aware that the rules of the game have changed. Don't be afraid to ask for an HIV test, it's your life. Don't be afraid to say no. Move at your own pace, be educated and still have fun!
Blossoming Sex Lives of Blossoming Ex Wives
By Lisa McCormick~
There’s nothing like a rocky marriage and the devastation of divorce to get a girl off her game, sexually speaking. In the aftermath of the storm, the notion of sex could well be the very first thing, or, the very last thing on your long list of thingsto figure out now that life- has taken a radically unexpected turn. After all, any relationship that’s come undone is guaranteed to have deposited a sizeable pile of sexual baggage smack in the middle of your newfound room-of-your-own.
But how and when to sort through that baggage and get back on your feet as a sexual being, is a very individual thing. Some women feel the need to go through a significant period of life-mending before the issue of sexuality can even begin to be addressed. And other women find their sexuality to be a beacon, bringing confidence, connection, and hope to a wounded heart.
Whatever path your recovery process takes, reconnecting with your erotic essence can be as spirit-renewing as, well, an afternoon rendezvous in an elegant Paris flat with champagne, strawberries, and a lover of mythic qualifications.
Janice, 46, says, “As my marriage of eighteen years came to an end, I was in a state of complete disorientation. It literally took two years of putting one foot in front of the other, finding a job, renting an apartment, spending my savings, eating, and eating some more, before I began to sense that life would indeed go on. It wasn’t until I landed and got my bearings that I finally felt myself becoming a sexual being once again. The first man I met who was attracted to me was a total surprise! I was really in shock that someone was reacting to me in that way. When he kissed me the first time, I almost passed out. It was a roaring rushing feeling – very intense – like a pleasant heart attack. I ran away - but then I came back pretty quick. That relationship didn’t last long, but my new self-assurance was here to stay. I became aware of myself as having influence in life, as having a ‘force’. I realized that people liked me. I began making eye contact with everyone. I began encouraging joy in every aspect of my life.”
Elizabeth, 41, shares her story. “My marriage had been essentially sexless for many years. In fact, as a means of coping, I’d managed to convince myself that my own sexuality had literally withered up and died. Battling depression, I saw a therapist and she asked about my marriage. I described how intimacy, both physical and emotional, had dwindled over the years to the point where my husband and I now slept in separate bedrooms. My therapist asked, “So, you’re telling me that as a monogamous married woman, you’re prepared to NEVER enjoy being sexual again in this lifetime. Is that okay with you?”(I was 36). What a wake-up call! After one final effort to persuade my husband to work with me on our intimacy issues, I decided to wage my own damn sexual revolution. I bought erotica, purchased sex toys, and became involved in a women’s erotica writing group. By the time the marriage ultimately ended, I was well on my way to having reconnected with my sexuality. Discovering it wasn’t dead at all – in fact it was alive and kicking – was incredibly life-affirming. Finally free from a dull and sexless marriage, I felt young, vital, and sexy once agai
Andrea, 36, relates, “During the last couple of years of our marriage, my husband and I were actually very sexual. In retrospect, I think I was succumbing to having frequent sex with him as a way of trying to make him happy in an otherwise deteriorating situation. After we split, I quickly got involved with a much younger guy, getting sexual with him way too soon because I really just craved his attention and approval. But soon I realized I really needed to step back and get my bearings. My own sexual identity had gotten all wrapped up in serving the needs of others, or attempting unsuccessfully to ease painful situations. I committed to remaining solo for eight months. Now that that time has passed and I’m thinking of dating again, I’m prepared to take things much slower; to be very choosy about who I get myself involved with, and why.
Katherine, 67, states, “Honestly, I had completely given up on the idea. My husband and I’d had a difficult marriage and an ugly divorce. When I found myself single at the age of 58, I relied on my closeness with my sister and my job as a nurse to give shape, stability, and meaning to my life. Since I’d been married at 19, I’d really never experienced myself alone in the world as a single woman . Now solo and middle aged, the idea of dating was the furthest thought from my mind. Five years later, I met Jack at a bridge tournament. A widower, he was handsome and kind, and seemed inexplicably interested in making conversation with me. I was shocked when he asked me to dinner, but I went home with a spring in my step I hadn’t experienced in some forty years. As we began dating, I felt as though I’d had a complete blood transfusion! To feel attractive, appreciated, and cared for was truly a miracle. Jack showed me that my life as a sexual woman was not over – in fact, in some ways, it was just beginning. He and I are now happily married, and I feel like I have a whole new life.”
Reconnecting with your sexuality after a divorce can often feel more harrowing than hot and heavy. But even though moving on and starting over seem daunting at the time, don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater
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